In our ultra-connected world, communicating with your partner constantly often feels like a good sign of a healthy relationship. But when you’re no longer sure if a call, a text, a social media tag, or read receipts have crossed boundaries between intimacy and intrusion, then it’s time to begin talking about our digital boundaries.
When we are establishing our boundaries digitally in relationships, it is important to have boundaries to establish your personal space, and most certainly for the health of the relationship long-term. These boundaries are not intended to box you in, but rather respect your space that emotionally supports you.
What are digital boundaries?
Digital boundaries are the agreements, expectations, and limits you set for each other around technology used within your relationship. More specifically, this includes how often you communicate online, the content you share, how you both interact on social media, and the level of digital access you give each other. As our digital and personal lives intertwine more, we must protect our relationship from eroding “an inch at a time” through technological oversights.
Consider the awkwardness of always being accountable for why you did not respond to a message immediately or feel pressured to share your passwords. If you don’t set boundaries in the digital realm, the pressure to be constantly connected can cause emotional exhaustion and even feelings of resentment, as it can increase a sense of disconnect.
Importance of Digital Boundaries
Allows for Individualization:
A healthy relationship should not make you lose your sense of self, but rather enhance and define who you are. By establishing boundaries surrounding the digital realm, both parties still feel connected yet retain their individualism. You don’t have to share every experience online or be physically attached to your phone 24/7 to show your love.
Creates Trust:
When you and your partner discuss and come to an agreement on what is acceptable digitally, you can build from a foundation of trust, and not feel that you are snooping in each other’s DMs, or monitoring each other’s online involvement because you already conducted the honest and upfront conversation.
Minimize miscommunication:
Digital communication is often associated with miscommunication. An unanswered text or delayed response can end up turning into conflict if you have not cleared expectations. By establishing boundaries such as “no phones at the table” or “we’re flexible with response time” can alleviate unnecessary tension.
Fosters Mental Well-Being:
The pressure of knowing that anyone can reach you at a moment’s notice adds stress and discomfort. It is vital to have time away from screens and deadlines to unplug and recharge like an electronic device. Once both partners have had screen free time, they can return to the relationship more present and able to be emotionally available.
How to Set Digital Boundaries With Your Partner
Start With a Conversation: You can start by talking about how each of you interacts with technology and its impact on your relationship. Tell each other openly, what is relaxing to you and what may be asking too much.
Set Check-In Communication Limits: Decide on how often you want to check in with each other throughout the day, and what you want to use for check-in communication (texting, calling, etc, voice notes, etc). For example, some couples may be comfortable checking-in with one call in the evening while other couples prefer quick text check-ins throughout the day.
Honor Individual Borders: Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t imply that you ought to share passwords or give access to locked phones. Respect and trust are far more valuable than total transparency.
Make plans for no-screen times together: Reserve periods to bond, turn off your screens, and focus completely on each other. This could be during meals, moderately paced walks, and even over the weekends when out on outings.
Set Particular Social Media Policies: Talk through what you are each okay with disseminating online. Make sure you both give mutual consent before tagging, sharing images, or commenting on one another’s accounts.
Cultivating Connection, Not Control
Relationships flourish through connection rather than control. Boundaries and digital etiquette allow couples to maintain emotional closeness while also respecting autonomy. It is a balance in which both people feel acknowledged and appreciate each other, whether in person or online.
Consistently interact with your partner to maintain and reinforce boundaries throughout the course of your relationship. Strategies that were effective in the initial stages may shift with changing life circumstances. Remember, the most effective relationships are those that embrace distance as opposed to those that eliminate it.
