The Allure of Idealized Love
Did it ever happen when you met somebody and felt like you were friends for ages immediately? That spark, that connecting its presence is almost like a movie scene. Here idealized love silently comes up. We start to imagine who that person could be, in our minds, and often that image is brightened up by hope, dream and desire. We not only fall for them but for the version which we are waiting to see.
The initially pictured perfect love seems enchanting. Validation comes with every text, silence is full of meaning. But with time cracks start appearing and through them, reality comes out. Perhaps the person isn’t as emotionally present as you thought. Or perhaps the “ideal partner” you imagined doesn’t exactly exist in the real world. But at this moment, you are already attached emotionally to the idea of love, which may not even be related to the real person.
The Illusion We Create
Connection is a universal need, yet when someone attracts our attention, the very first thing that happens is our minds racing to fill in the gaps. This is how the imaged love turns into a mirror showing us our wishes, aspirations, and remaining emotional needs.
We see someone with the traits that they have never claimed to possess. A light touch turns into a proof of strong love. Finding a common interest transforms into a sign of fate. Very soon, we are not with the person but with our fantasy. This illusion has the advantage of being perceived as secure since it allows us to dictate the narrative. However, the risk is just the other way around taking this mirage for emotional truth.
The actual human being comes imperfect, real and unpredictable and the experience can be disappointing. However, that disappointment is not about the person. It is a case of our expectations clashing with reality.
Reality vs. Fantasy
In fact, love made us real, in flesh and blood, complicated, and dirty but still grounding in feelings. Stepping aside from romantic love, we discover that we can love the person as they are; this is the real deal, not the ideal.
This alteration of perception makes one more conscious. Ask yourself: do you love the person or do you love the way they make you feel about yourself? Are you seeing their actions clearly or are you filtering them through your illusion?
A love that is strong and healthy comes from truth and honesty rather than being perfect. It is based on understanding and acceptance instead of projection. When we no longer allow someone, we open the way for real closeness. We appreciate the beauty of their flaws, and we also recognize the power of being honest about feelings.
Breaking Free from the Fantasy
Releasing an idealized love does not mean that you have to give up on romanticism, it means that you have made a choice of reality instead of a fantasy. The very first step is to understand your own thoughts. Recognize the times when you romanticize your moments or make up stories that haven’t happened yet.
Moving on, concentrate on the communication aspect. Interrogate, express your emotions, and get honesty from the other person. The moment that you see a person with all their imperfections and still make the decision to be with them, love at that point is authentic.
It is certainly fine to admit that at times we fall for the idea of someone. None of us is an exception. What really counts is to learn to recognize it and mature beyond that. A genuine bond is formed at the point where the end of the fantasy is, the point where one ceases to dream of the perfect and starts to acknowledge the real.
Final Thought:
To fall in love is very simple; however to love realistically always requires bravery. Next time when your heart beats faster than usual, question yourself whether it is for the real person beside you or for the ideal one that your imagination has already formed? It is through the acceptance of an unrealistic love that we get to encounter a love that is not only romantic but also profoundly true.
