We all are fans of positivity, the support that makes you feel good, the smiles, the belief that the day after will be better. But when positivity is imposed as a norm rather than being a choice, it has the potential to become harmful. This is what the specialists refer to as toxic positivity in relationships, a situation where one partner is a “happy” person all the time and, therefore, does not acknowledge, or even invalidates, the other partner’s emotional experience.
What if you had a tough day, and instead of understanding your feelings, your partner says, “Just be grateful!” It may seem small or even kind, but over time, such moments can make you feel emotionally detached because your partner ignores your feelings.
When “Good Vibes Only” Gets Heavy
Initially, being in the presence of someone who is consistently bright sided can be enjoyable. That person is your sunshine until their sunshine is blinding. When reactions to every sad, angry, or anxious moment are always, “Stop it” or “Stay positive”, it eventually leads to all of those feelings stacking up quietly inside you.
Toxic positivity in relationships teaches people to avoid their pain instead of dealing with it. One partner becomes “the fixer,” and the other learns to silence their feelings. Eventually, relationships can lose their emotional equity; the bond that was once an organic connection becomes a fabricated smile.
Healthy relationships generate allowance for laughter and tears. When we deny sadness, we also deny the inherent essence of the interaction and when we remove inherent feeling and reaction, love and connection lose meaning and become recitals.
The Cost of Expressing Genuine Emotions
Emotions exist to be felt, not filtered. When we pretend to feel fine, we create pressure on our feelings that eventually bursts out as anger, distance, or physical distress. In a healthy emotional relationship, we will guilt ourselves for not being a happy person.
In the same manner that you can hold a beach ball under the water, the more you push down on something with energy, the more it pops back up. This principle appears in relationships. When partners demonstrate toxic positivity, holding feelings below the surface will only make those feelings thrive in secrecy.
Genuine positivity does not negate sadness. Genuine positivity is understanding our sadness. We build intimacy when we let our guard down, even if it feels unpleasant. The highest level of intimacy takes place when we think about what someone has said, “I’m not okay today” and the other person reacts without making any judgement. Then the healing begins!
Understanding and Accepting All Emotions
Healthy love involves emotional health. Rather than saying “Cheer up!” “The words “I am here for you” show that a partner feels supported and understood. These small statements can create safety in them. Find room for conversations that acknowledge pleasure and pain.
Practicing small acts of self-awareness, journaling, and mindfulness helps you stay emotionally and mentally balanced. Take quiet moments to reflect. You care for your body through eating, exercise, and rest. In the same way, notice and accept your emotional state.
We focus on gut health to maintain physical health. In the same way, we nurture emotional health by staying aware and balanced. We’re not looking to be unhappy or constantly happy we’re looking for emotional health and wholeness.
The Real Good Vibes
Next time you feel like saying, “stay positive no matter what,” pause for a moment. Do a quick check-in with yourself or your partner. Are you still feeling the pain or are you getting rid of it?
The truth gives rise to real positivity. It’s not just about having good vibes all the time, but mostly good vibes with a little space for bad days. The power of toxic positivity in relationships is over when both partners can cry, laugh, and heal together and that’s when genuine love will be nurtured.
