The very day after a parting of ways feels lonely for the most part. There are no calls or messages. Your daily activities become uninteresting. It is not just the person whom you miss; you are mourning the life that you lived together. This is the point of breakup grief, even if you do not feel like calling it mourning. People tend to regard this suffering as insignificant, but they still react with their bodies and minds as in the case of a real loss. The reason is that actually, it has been so in many aspects.
When a relationship is over, loss starts to take place
An emotional attachment does not only mean love. Among these are the habits, inside jokes, dreams, and the very emotional support; all of these are included in the package. When love breaks up, everything just vanishes in an instant. So the pain of losing love is very hard and very quick. Conversations that were happening every day, emotional supporting ones, and the self that was in the relationship are all gone.
The brain, however, is still attempting to adjust to the temperature changes. It has been already discovered that emotional attachment activates the same brain areas as physical pain. This is what makes you feel a burden on your chest or have your eating patterns altered. It is not a sign of weak character but rather a normal biological response to being apart from somebody. The reason for this is that the process of getting over a breakup is very similar to the feeling of sorrow that people experience after losing someone by death.
The Narrative That Was Never Completed
The story behind every couple’s relationship is there to tell. You see forthcoming days full of laughter, you think of issues that will no longer exist, and you dream of goals you will reach together. But once the relationship ends, the story stands still, as if it stops in the middle. However, the mind continues to read it.
Replaying past talks or dreaming of different endings may be your case. You wonder if there was something else you could have done. This thinking circle is one of the reasons why intensive emotions are always there. However, it also reveals your high commitment. Grief comes up in the place where meaning once existed. Therefore, breakup grief is often mixed up with other feelings. You do not only mourn the person, but also the future that you had planned together.
Why Society Tells You to “Move On” Too Fast
“You just broke up,” or “Someone better will come for you” that is what often comes out of your friends’ mouths. These are good phrases, that’s why they keep saying them, but at the same time, they might be minimizing your suffering. Thus, you might feel like you are forced to recover very soon. You could also be harsh on yourself for allowing the pain to still linger.
Nevertheless, the emotional loss does not have a timeline. The process of healing requires time and truth. Society’s attitude toward breakup pain is so negative that people mostly opt for the latter. Suppressing one’s emotions is like keeping a volcano under control which eventually erupts in the form of other negative emotions like anger, numbness, or fear of intimacy. On the other hand, crying over the separation leads one to a clean and guiltless healing.
How Grief Reveals Itself After a Breakup
Tears are not the only way grief manifests itself. In some cases, it is nothing but a strong feeling of tiredness. On other occasions, it resembles someone who no longer works but still gets involved in several activities. Sometimes one feels fine; another time, it is as though there’s too much to handle. This roller coaster feels normal from an emotional standpoint.
Besides, your persona takes a blow. The word “us” deactivates, and the word “me” returns. The transition is confusing but at the same time it is a chance for exploring new sides of oneself. Gradually, you find out what brings you serenity, happiness and assurance. The process of grief becomes lighter as the connection with yourself deepens.
Turning Pain Into Growth
Healing doesn’t imply that you have to wipe out the past. It indicates that one has to incorporate the incident into his/her life but not allow it to take control of him/her. Feelings should be acknowledged first and then the process of feeling them should not be hastened. You can write, talk, walk, or just sit with your feelings. Because fear of facing them will only postpone healing.
After that, you can start renewing the habits and routines that are only for you again. The tiny steps taken will lead to the creation of a solid ground. In the long run, your body’s response will be less tense and more relaxed. You will then trust yourself and gradually others as well. Finally, the sorrow of a break up will turn into understanding. You will come to understand yourself and your needs more clearly. You will be more specific in your love and more careful in your choices.
A Soft Conclusion, Not a Compulsory One
Eventually, you will come to a day when you will get up and the quietness will seem lighter. The recollections will be there, but they will not be able to rule over you anymore. It does not imply that the bond was of no importance. Rather, it is an indication that the bond was a part of the process that made you and then the bond ended.
The hurt after a breakup is genuine because love was genuine. Recognize that reality. Recovery does not remove the past; it definitely changes the way you look at the future. And gradually, you move on, with the power that used to be in the form of pain.
