We were sitting on my balcony, two cups of cold coffee forgotten between us. My best friend Tara had just been dumped. The guy, let’s call him Karan, ended their six-month situation ship with one of the most common breakup excuses: the line that’s almost too familiar “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Tara rolled her eyes so hard I thought they might get stuck.
“Oh come on,” she said. “That’s the most recycled of all breakup excuses. Might as well have sent it as a voice note with background music.”
But as I listened to her vent, I couldn’t help thinking what if it wasn’t a lazy excuse? What if he actually meant it?
The Truth Hiding in Plain Sight
Breakup excuses get a bad rap and for good reason. Most of us have heard them all: “I’m not ready for a relationship,” “You deserve better,” and the Oscar-winning “It’s not you, it’s me.”
But here’s the thing people don’t talk about enough: sometimes, those lines are true. Not always. But sometimes.
I remembered a guy I once dated, Aarav. Smart, charming, genuinely kind. On paper, perfect. But I was a mess back then mentally drained, emotionally checked out, healing from stuff I hadn’t even admitted to myself.
When I ended things, I didn’t have the vocabulary to say, “I’m still recovering from old wounds and can’t give you what you need.” So I said the only breakup excuse I could manage: “It’s not you, it’s me.”
And it was true.
More Than Just a Line
What people forget is that “It’s not you, it’s me” is sometimes someone’s way of saying, “I know I’m not in the right place to love you the way you deserve.” That takes self-awareness, maybe even courage.
But yes, there’s a flip side too. It can be a shortcut, a shield, a way to exit without confrontation. That’s when breakup excuses feel hollow when they’re used to avoid telling someone, “I’ve fallen out of love,” or worse, “I met someone else.”
The key is context. And how well you know the person.
Real People, Real Feelings
Tara texted Karan two days later not to rekindle things, but to ask if he was okay. Turns out, he’d been struggling silently. Family pressure, work burnout, and a hint of depression he hadn’t addressed.
She looked at me after reading his long, heartfelt reply and said, “Maybe he wasn’t just being dramatic. Maybe it really was him.”
Breakup excuses might sound generic, but behind them often lies a very human fear of hurting someone, of not being enough, of walking away from something good because we can’t carry it anymore.
What If We Gave Each Other Grace?
Breakups don’t always come with closure. But what if we decided to stop thinking of every breakup excuse as an assault or an affront? It isn’t always about concealing the truth, it may be about softening it.
And in a world that is already harsh enough, perhaps it isn’t the worst thing.
So next time someone says “It’s not you, it’s me,” maybe pause before rolling your eyes. It might not just be one of those cliched reasons for ending a relationship. It might actually be a quiet kind of honesty, the kind that hurts, but still tries to heal.
And if nothing else, it’s proof that not all endings have to be brutal to be real.
