There are sparks, then a silence. When you start letting go, they show up again and again. Why are you forever locked in this tug of war between emotions? Let’s decode what this push pull relationship really means.
The Push Pull Relationship Pattern
You text them back, and they go cold. You stop replying, and suddenly here they are again: “Hey, been thinking of you.” Sound familiar? You might be caught in this classic push pull relationship, an infuriating emotional loop where one half holds back just enough to pique the other’s interest once more. In this blog, we’re going deep into this all too common far too well known dynamic, equipping you to recognize the signs, understand the reasons behind it, and reclaim your power in the process.
Hot and Cold Emotional Temptation
It often starts off with all the affection, attention, and sweet words that set your heart racing. You start to invest emotionally, and suddenly something changes. Their messages slow down. They seem less available. You now feel like you need to chase them and fix whatever feels like it’s slipping away.
Then, just as you’ve pulled back in order to protect your heart, boom suddenly they’re back and showering you with attention again. You experience a sense of being valued once more, only for the cycle to repeat itself. This constant back and forth is the foundation of a push pull relationship. It survives and thrives based on uncertainty, the thrill of emotional hide and seek. For some, inconsistency becomes an obsession, confused between chemistry and anxiety.
Why Do People Engage in Push Pull Dynamics?
The core of every push pull relationship is emotional insecurity. One person might be afraid of intimacy, and the other one of abandonment. The pusher wants space when the situation becomes serious. The puller gets scared of the distance and starts chasing. As a result, both are in a dance where they do not feel truly safe or happy.
At times, people do not even recognize that they are using this dynamic. Their intentions might not be manipulative; they may simply feel confused or struggle with emotional availability.
On the other hand, playing can cause a lot of harm. The emotional seesaw can cause feelings of worthlessness, uncertainty, and emotional fatigue.
How to Break the Cycle
The process of healing starts with understanding the connection between pushing and pulling. You might want to ask yourself:
- Do I see interest only when I pull away?
- Does it create a sense of angst when they pull away from me and relief when they return?
- Am I changing my behavior consistently just to engage their attention?
Once you recognize the cycle, you have a choice. Begin to create emotional boundaries. Be honest about your desires. If they can’t meet you there, then perhaps it is time to walk away for good not as a strategy to pursue them, but as a promise to yourself to keep your peace.
Learn to have a sense of security in yourself instead of in someone else’s inconsistency. That clarity and trust in self will ultimately draw emotionally healthy relationships.
Conclusion: Wanting Isn’t Enough It Needs to Be Consistent
When they say they want you, but only when you are pulling away, ask yourself do they actually want you, or just the thrill of chasing after you? Desiring without consistency is confusion in disguise. A push pull connection may feel passionate, but it doesn’t often feel safe. And real love? Real love happens in stability, not chasing and being chased.
Stop dancing to someone else’s emotional tune. You deserve a connection that shows up even when you are standing still.
